Cultivating a Calmer Life When
We’re Feeling Way Too Stressed Out:
4 Major Foundations
It’s almost an unspoken norm these days: feeling overwhelmed. It seems that we’re all feeling like we’re just running on empty because we’ve got so many more obligations than our parents and grandparents did. We can easily feel that we’re just not strong enough emotionally or physically, but the reality is that we are living in a world where the tension gets ever tighter.
But the truth is that stress doesn’t have to run our lives. We have to work hard, but we also need to rest hard. It’s always about remembering that it’s our response to stress, rather than the stress itself, that we need to cultivate over time into something far more even-keeled. Here’s some ways to nurture calm even if you’re in the middle of the constant noise that life brings.
Carving Out Boundaries
Boundary setting is the most important tool for protecting your sense of self. Understanding your bandwidth in terms of work-related stress as well as your personal duties will dictate what is too much, but what we need to remember is that boundaries are both emotional and physical. One of the best steps toward a calmer life is about building quiet spaces at home. This is particularly important as we get older and we’re finding more acutely that our health is not what it once was.
Many people are focusing on the wrong aspects of their health, particularly if you’re reading this and you feel that stress is just overwhelming. Therefore, designating spaces for relaxation sends a strong signal to your brain saying this is where you unwind. You don’t need to completely redo your home, you just need to minimize the noise sources, introduce some soft lighting, have calming colors, and ensure the area is clutter-free.
You might not feel a benefit straight away, however, when we embed the right habits over time, our conscious and subconscious mind link calmness with this space, so whenever you feel your stress begin to rise, you very simply return to this place.
Reconnecting With Your Breath and Your Body
Breathing is one of those things that we almost take for granted because it’s something that we automatically do, but since COVID, there’s been a greater appreciation of what breathing in the grand scheme of things can do for us.
One of the simplest but also scientifically supported strategies to reduce stress is by breathing deeply. This is because when your body becomes stressed, breathing becomes rapid and shallow, and this signals danger to the body, so if we make that conscious effort to go in the opposite direction where we practice slow and controlled breathing, we’re sending those calming signals to the brain and we’re lowering cortisol. It goes back to that whole resting hard if you work hard.
There are various techniques out there, but one of the simplest is the 5.5 breathing technique where you breathe in for 5.5 seconds and out for the same amount of time. An excellent, hour-long video on this is right here, where you just follow along. The key is about consistency.
There are other types of breathing techniques that could make a big difference to you depending on your stress levels so, for example, if you are someone who finds yourself feeling overwhelmed and notice your heart is beating rapidly, a little bit of biology knowledge goes a long way here, so when you breathe in your heart rate speeds up and when you breathe out your heart rate slows down. So if you are someone who is particularly touchy, focus on breathing in for five seconds but out for 10 seconds. If you’re also looking for a bit more info about breathing, the book by James Nestor called Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art gives you a deep dive on this very simple but effective tactic.
Identify Your Digital Stressors
That HDTV in the corner of your room, your phone, and your laptop, as well as your computer screens in the office, are constantly stimulating you. Therefore, if you are someone who automatically goes to your phone when you have a second of not being informed, it’s vital to remember that it’s difficult to fully rest. We talked about boundaries, and you need to do exactly the same thing with your devices.
Start by identifying your biggest digital stressors. It could be work emails, late-night screen time, or of course social media scrolling. When you identify what the issues are, you then make micro adjustments, for example, turning off unnecessary notifications, putting your phone into sleep mode, or trying screen-free time. It’s the small habits that you can build upon. Even as little as 30 minutes of device-free time per day in total can ease that mental clutter and promote genuine relaxation.
Look to the kids these days who are experiencing mental health problems before they even reach the age of 10! This was unheard of 15 or 20 years ago, so maybe we should take this on board. Don’t forget this blue screen is also going to disrupt your sleep hormone melatonin, so ideally, devices go off an hour before you settle for the night.
Practice Saying “No”
Finally, in this completely connected world where we’re all feeling like we’re treading on eggshells in one way or another, we feel like we need to keep the peace, and it’s a very difficult thing to say no, particularly if you get reactions that what you’re doing is selfish.
Many people overcommit because of guilt or expectation, but we have to decline extra obligations because this is really one of the ways to practice self-care. When you say no to those tasks that drain you, you’re creating space to say yes to what actually matters, whether it’s a creative hobby, family time, or rest.
Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable, but you’ve got to start small, for example, delaying your response before you agree to something, even if it’s for a few seconds more than you normally would wait, or suggest an alternative that fits better for both of you. Slowly but surely, control comes back.
Cultivating calm isn’t a quick fix, but it’s about remembering that you can unlock your best self if you start the process of tuning into your body, caring for your mind, and recognizing that this is something that’s not self-indulgent but foundational to your health.
